Yesterday was a busy day. I was running errands to Wal-mart and the library and trying to get some things taken care of...My phone was as usual going crazy and it was just one of those days. I had a half a dozen calls to return and text messages and a mountain of emails to get back to after I got home, but while I was waiting for the bus, I made a phone and returned one of the text messages and calls.
The news that I got was horrible. One of my oldest friends dates back to grade school. We've known each other about 27 or 28 years and though we've lost touch we found each other again through the magic of the internet. MySpace. The past year we've been catching up and about a month ago she found out that he dad was just diagnosed with cancer. Barely a month has went by and she, her mom and the rest of her family has barely been able to register the fact that her dad had it and was as bad off as he was. The same visit that he found out that he had cancer he found out that he was in stage four.
My friend went home for a little over 2 weeks and was able to see her parents again and the day after she came home, which was yesterday the very day that I talked to her, she got the call from her mom saying that her dad had passed away early yesterday morning.
The cancer had traveled all through his body and there was nothing that anyone save God could do. No treatments could work and take care of the problem. His name was Rodney and he was a wonderful man. He was good and faithful. A loving father and husband. He was a steady provider and a good man.
I have a lot of memories of him growing up. Staying over night with my friend and her family, going with them to the Madison County fair, going bowling, catching the bus at their place for school in the morning. Alot of memories of just growing up and hanging out. I've always remembered him with a smile on his face and his laughter. He died at what seems a young age to me. 63 years old isn't old....especially when people are living closer to 100 and even above.
I've been through this before. I've lost a wonderful parent, I've lost a husband. Still even when you've been though it, when you've lost someone so dear to you...words fail at times like these and anything a person says can be the wrong thing. Just letting the person know that you are there to listen and be there is the main thing.
August 25th 2008 one of my best friends lost her dad. It was all of a sudden and quick. No one had a clue and it was over in the blink of an eye. Just like that. He was driving down the road and he had a heart attack and luckily no one else was hurt, it was late at night and the road was deserted.
You never know when your time is coming. You never know when your time on this earth is going to be up and how long or short that is going to be. You have to do what you can do while your here and work with what you have.
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Friday, February 12, 2010
Abused Wife Puts Cat House Behind Her
Taken From: http://m.cincinnati.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20100211/NEWS01/2120328/-1/WAP&template=wapart
Abused wife puts cat house behind her
By Cliff Radel • cradel@enquirer.com
February 11, 2010
MASON - Don't call her the Crazy Cat Lady.
Tonya Parrish is a victim of domestic abuse. She has the cats - lots of them - to prove it.
The animals were unwanted gifts from her husband, Ed Mitcheff. He took in strays and never let them go.
Parrish met Mitcheff online. The self-proclaimed preacher from Chicago is a poster child for avoiding Internet romance.
"Ed put me through four years of hell," Parrish said. He kicked her. He threatened to kill her. He spied on her phone calls. He alienated her from family and friends. He brought hoards of cats into her home and her life.
Now, he's gone. Mitcheff died from a drug overdose July 4. Seven months after his death, however, Parrish must clean up the mess caused by a house-full of cats.
How many cats? Dozens and dozens. There were so many, in fact, public health officials lost track when they tried to count them.
"I'm so embarrassed by this," said the 43-year-old graphic artist whose favorite subjects to paint - in a style where cubism meets cave painting - are horses, not cats. "I'm so ashamed."
Parrish stood on her front porch. Behind her, six cats perched on her living room's windowsill. Their eyes peered through the picture window as their tails slowly waved like fury, headless cobras.
"Do I want all of these cats? No. Do I want the house to smell like cat pee? No," Parrish said.
"Do I want them to find a good home? Yes. I've already gotten eight adults adopted since the first of the year."
Does she want her story told? Yes. "I want other women to know," Parrish said, "that even though they are in an extreme situation like this they should not give up hope."
Life with Mitcheff was "horrible," she said as she walked to her car to drive to a nearby restaurant to take a break from caring for cats. "It was a nightmare. It was surreal."
It was feline-based psychological abuse.
He used those cats as a weapon," said Kendall Fisher, executive director of Women Helping Women, an oasis for abuse victims. "He used them to control, to isolate her. Isolation is one form of abuse."
The overabundance of cats at Parrish's red brick house came to the attention of public health officials after Mason police arrived in the early morning hours of the Fourth of July. The police were responding to a 911 call.
Earlier that morning, Mitcheff went to a corner gas station and bought a patriotic breakfast of beer, cigarettes and a blueberry Danish. He even brought back a Danish for Parrish.
"That surprised me," she said. "He was being nice."
After breakfast, Mitcheff went to his room, cranked up the air-conditioner to frigid and closed the door.
When Parrish did not hear a peep from him, she became at once concerned and frightened. She wanted to check on him. But she was afraid to open the door.
"He had trouble sleeping," she said. "So, if I woke him up, he would get really angry and start screaming. And, he kept a knife under his bed."
Summoning her courage, she opened his door.
"He looked funny," she recalled. She touched him. He didn't move. He was dead.
The Warren County Coroner's office ruled his death a suicide. An overdose of morphine, and the tranquilizer, diazepam, killed him.
After Mitcheff's death, Warren County Health Department Inspector Carrie Yeager visited Parrish. She brought the county dog warden with her. "The dog warden tried counting the cats," Yeager said. "There were so many and so many looked alike, he gave up."
Yeager estimated, there were at least 65. They roamed upstairs and downstairs. They lounged on the furniture and stained the carpeting. They were out of control.
Yeager wants to help Parrish get things under control. Warren County has no ordinance limiting the number of cats in a home. So, Yeager's goal is to make Parrish's house "safe and sanitary."
Parrish said her cat population "may be down to 30. That's still too many."
She wants to put 23 more up for adoption. "I've always had seven cats," she said. "That's enough."
She has received numerous offers of help to dispose of the cats. Parrish wants to handle it herself.
"I got myself into this," she said. "I've got to get out of it."
Parrish told her story over a cheese coney at a local chili parlor. Her mood brightened with every bite.
Away from her house, her posture became straighter. Away from the cats who have permeated her home with the fragrance of eu de feline, a lilt appeared in her voice. She even laughed at herself.
"I don't like hauling out cat poop. The smell of cat urine doesn't turn me on," she said with a laugh. "If I want an aphrodisiac, I'll eat oysters."
The cat problem began in October 2006. Mitcheff let a pregnant stray cat into the house. After the stray's kittens were born, he kept them. More kittens came. They stayed, too, even though he griped that there were too many cats in the house.
The cat population at the house Parrish bought in 2000 soon got out of hand.
"All I did day and night was feed the cats, empty the litter boxes, take out the garbage," Parrish said. "I had no time for me. I was the cats' waitress."
She tried setting up adoptions. But when adopters came to the door, her jobless, stay-at-home husband would say: "You're not worthy."
Foiling cat adoptions was one form of control Mitcheff exerted over his wife.
"Ed would change our phone number to keep my family from calling," Parrish said. "He'd threaten me all the time about how he was going to take away my house, how he could make me disappear."
Mitcheff was physically imposing. He stood about six-four and weighed 220 pounds, Parrish said. He was a foot taller and 110 pounds heavier than his wife.
Mitcheff went to great lengths to keep her from having any friends. "The first time we went out, she told me she had a curfew. She had to be home before dark," said Parrish's friend, Debbie Dewsnap of Milford.
Dewsnap, a retired veteran of the Strategic Air Command, found "the idea of a grown woman having a curfew" to be laughable. She stopped laughing when Mitcheff called the police on her. He filed a missing person report on his wife. She had not come home after lunch.
"That guy sent the police to my house," Dewsnap said. "He was as crazy as a loon."
Mitcheff called Dewsnap's house and left threatening messages. He monitored his wife's phone calls when she talked to Dewsnap and tried to browbeat her friend.
"I'd laugh at him," Dewsnap said. "That stuff didn't work with me."
That approach worked on his wife. "He was always telling me I was nothing. I was stupid. I couldn't accomplish anything. I was fat. I was ugly," Parrish said. "I was so scared. So manipulated. I was trapped. Where was I going to go? It was my house."
Kendall Fisher has heard all this before from women seeking help. "This is a textbook case of controlling abusive behavior," she said.
"She was busy all day with the cats. She had no time to think about what she was doing, how she was going to get out. She was trapped."
The cats, Fisher noted, "were one piece of the puzzle. His size, his isolating her from others, his verbal and physical abuse were forms of his controlling behavior."
Parrish and Mitcheff met via an on-line dating service called: "Love Access." She got access. But no love.
"I was looking for a man with God in his life," she explained. "Ed read the Bible. He said he was a preacher."
After a two-month courtship, they married on Friday, May 13, 2005. "Friday the 13th, should have been a warning," Parrish said.
Another warning came 16 days later. The newlyweds got into an fight. Parrish called the police. The paperwork on the incident became part of 72 pages of police reports that would be filled out by officers responding to her address.
The volume of police reports ceased with Mitcheff's death. But, Parrish's troubles continue. She must find homes for the cats while repairing her self-esteem.
"It might appear that, with all of the cats around me, I am the Crazy Cat Lady," she said after lunch. "But, I'm not crazy," she insisted. "I went through four years of being held prisoner in my own home. I lost myself. "I need," she said with a faint smile, "to find me again."
Abused wife puts cat house behind her
By Cliff Radel • cradel@enquirer.com
February 11, 2010
MASON - Don't call her the Crazy Cat Lady.
Tonya Parrish is a victim of domestic abuse. She has the cats - lots of them - to prove it.
The animals were unwanted gifts from her husband, Ed Mitcheff. He took in strays and never let them go.
Parrish met Mitcheff online. The self-proclaimed preacher from Chicago is a poster child for avoiding Internet romance.
"Ed put me through four years of hell," Parrish said. He kicked her. He threatened to kill her. He spied on her phone calls. He alienated her from family and friends. He brought hoards of cats into her home and her life.
Now, he's gone. Mitcheff died from a drug overdose July 4. Seven months after his death, however, Parrish must clean up the mess caused by a house-full of cats.
How many cats? Dozens and dozens. There were so many, in fact, public health officials lost track when they tried to count them.
"I'm so embarrassed by this," said the 43-year-old graphic artist whose favorite subjects to paint - in a style where cubism meets cave painting - are horses, not cats. "I'm so ashamed."
Parrish stood on her front porch. Behind her, six cats perched on her living room's windowsill. Their eyes peered through the picture window as their tails slowly waved like fury, headless cobras.
"Do I want all of these cats? No. Do I want the house to smell like cat pee? No," Parrish said.
"Do I want them to find a good home? Yes. I've already gotten eight adults adopted since the first of the year."
Does she want her story told? Yes. "I want other women to know," Parrish said, "that even though they are in an extreme situation like this they should not give up hope."
Life with Mitcheff was "horrible," she said as she walked to her car to drive to a nearby restaurant to take a break from caring for cats. "It was a nightmare. It was surreal."
It was feline-based psychological abuse.
He used those cats as a weapon," said Kendall Fisher, executive director of Women Helping Women, an oasis for abuse victims. "He used them to control, to isolate her. Isolation is one form of abuse."
The overabundance of cats at Parrish's red brick house came to the attention of public health officials after Mason police arrived in the early morning hours of the Fourth of July. The police were responding to a 911 call.
Earlier that morning, Mitcheff went to a corner gas station and bought a patriotic breakfast of beer, cigarettes and a blueberry Danish. He even brought back a Danish for Parrish.
"That surprised me," she said. "He was being nice."
After breakfast, Mitcheff went to his room, cranked up the air-conditioner to frigid and closed the door.
When Parrish did not hear a peep from him, she became at once concerned and frightened. She wanted to check on him. But she was afraid to open the door.
"He had trouble sleeping," she said. "So, if I woke him up, he would get really angry and start screaming. And, he kept a knife under his bed."
Summoning her courage, she opened his door.
"He looked funny," she recalled. She touched him. He didn't move. He was dead.
The Warren County Coroner's office ruled his death a suicide. An overdose of morphine, and the tranquilizer, diazepam, killed him.
After Mitcheff's death, Warren County Health Department Inspector Carrie Yeager visited Parrish. She brought the county dog warden with her. "The dog warden tried counting the cats," Yeager said. "There were so many and so many looked alike, he gave up."
Yeager estimated, there were at least 65. They roamed upstairs and downstairs. They lounged on the furniture and stained the carpeting. They were out of control.
Yeager wants to help Parrish get things under control. Warren County has no ordinance limiting the number of cats in a home. So, Yeager's goal is to make Parrish's house "safe and sanitary."
Parrish said her cat population "may be down to 30. That's still too many."
She wants to put 23 more up for adoption. "I've always had seven cats," she said. "That's enough."
She has received numerous offers of help to dispose of the cats. Parrish wants to handle it herself.
"I got myself into this," she said. "I've got to get out of it."
Parrish told her story over a cheese coney at a local chili parlor. Her mood brightened with every bite.
Away from her house, her posture became straighter. Away from the cats who have permeated her home with the fragrance of eu de feline, a lilt appeared in her voice. She even laughed at herself.
"I don't like hauling out cat poop. The smell of cat urine doesn't turn me on," she said with a laugh. "If I want an aphrodisiac, I'll eat oysters."
The cat problem began in October 2006. Mitcheff let a pregnant stray cat into the house. After the stray's kittens were born, he kept them. More kittens came. They stayed, too, even though he griped that there were too many cats in the house.
The cat population at the house Parrish bought in 2000 soon got out of hand.
"All I did day and night was feed the cats, empty the litter boxes, take out the garbage," Parrish said. "I had no time for me. I was the cats' waitress."
She tried setting up adoptions. But when adopters came to the door, her jobless, stay-at-home husband would say: "You're not worthy."
Foiling cat adoptions was one form of control Mitcheff exerted over his wife.
"Ed would change our phone number to keep my family from calling," Parrish said. "He'd threaten me all the time about how he was going to take away my house, how he could make me disappear."
Mitcheff was physically imposing. He stood about six-four and weighed 220 pounds, Parrish said. He was a foot taller and 110 pounds heavier than his wife.
Mitcheff went to great lengths to keep her from having any friends. "The first time we went out, she told me she had a curfew. She had to be home before dark," said Parrish's friend, Debbie Dewsnap of Milford.
Dewsnap, a retired veteran of the Strategic Air Command, found "the idea of a grown woman having a curfew" to be laughable. She stopped laughing when Mitcheff called the police on her. He filed a missing person report on his wife. She had not come home after lunch.
"That guy sent the police to my house," Dewsnap said. "He was as crazy as a loon."
Mitcheff called Dewsnap's house and left threatening messages. He monitored his wife's phone calls when she talked to Dewsnap and tried to browbeat her friend.
"I'd laugh at him," Dewsnap said. "That stuff didn't work with me."
That approach worked on his wife. "He was always telling me I was nothing. I was stupid. I couldn't accomplish anything. I was fat. I was ugly," Parrish said. "I was so scared. So manipulated. I was trapped. Where was I going to go? It was my house."
Kendall Fisher has heard all this before from women seeking help. "This is a textbook case of controlling abusive behavior," she said.
"She was busy all day with the cats. She had no time to think about what she was doing, how she was going to get out. She was trapped."
The cats, Fisher noted, "were one piece of the puzzle. His size, his isolating her from others, his verbal and physical abuse were forms of his controlling behavior."
Parrish and Mitcheff met via an on-line dating service called: "Love Access." She got access. But no love.
"I was looking for a man with God in his life," she explained. "Ed read the Bible. He said he was a preacher."
After a two-month courtship, they married on Friday, May 13, 2005. "Friday the 13th, should have been a warning," Parrish said.
Another warning came 16 days later. The newlyweds got into an fight. Parrish called the police. The paperwork on the incident became part of 72 pages of police reports that would be filled out by officers responding to her address.
The volume of police reports ceased with Mitcheff's death. But, Parrish's troubles continue. She must find homes for the cats while repairing her self-esteem.
"It might appear that, with all of the cats around me, I am the Crazy Cat Lady," she said after lunch. "But, I'm not crazy," she insisted. "I went through four years of being held prisoner in my own home. I lost myself. "I need," she said with a faint smile, "to find me again."
Judges combat Twitter, Facebook use by jurors during trials
Taken From: http://mobile.springfieldnewssun.com/snewssun/db_41812/contentdetail.htm?contentguid=Z9kKvXNm&detailindex=2&pn=0&ps=8&full=true#display
Judges combat Twitter, Facebook use by jurors during trials
Laura A. Bischoff
Posted: 02/11/2010 11:21 PM
COLUMBUS — In Lucas County, cell phones are forbidden in the courthouse. In Cuyahoga County, a juror’s text message triggered a mistrial. And U.S. District Courts just came out with suggested instructions that tell jurors not to use smart phones, blogs, text messages or social media to communicate about the case.
At a conference at the Ohio Supreme Court on Thursday, Feb. 11, judges and journalists wrestled with the issues presented by social media in the courts.
“I tell them (jurors) they can’t use the Internet. I’ll probably go back and say you can’t use Twitter or any other social media,” said Hamilton County Common Pleas Court Judge Beth Myers.
Facebook boasts of 400 million users, Twitter has 23.4 million monthly users, and 75 percent of Americans use social media of some sort. Social media sites are the fourth most popular online activity, eclipsing pornography.
Social media are so popular and ubiquitous that Ohio Supreme Court Justice Judith Lanzinger worries that potential jurors won’t be willing to disconnect for two weeks during a trial.
“I think this is one of the biggest concerns that we have about fair trials in the future,” Lanzinger said.
Second District Court of Appeals Judge Jeff Froelich became a judge in 1978, back when YouTube, Twitter, Facebook and smart phone sounded like just silly words.
Froelich said judges have to try to balance new technology with due process. Froelich said he is concerned about small cameras being used by courtroom audience members to photograph witnesses or jurors.
In 1954 during the Sam Sheppard case in Cleveland, reporters and photographers furiously covered the sensational trial; these days it’s reporters, bloggers and everyday people telling the world what’s going on inside a courtroom, Froelich said.
“The concerns are the same but the technology has changed,” said Froelich.
Another judge said he recently was asked to issue search warrants for electronic devices such as Flip cameras, text messages and social media postings that may have been used to record a sex crime.
In another area of concern, the state supreme court in Florida issued an advisory opinion that judges shouldn’t “friend” on Facebook attorneys who are likely to appear before them in court.
Franklin County Probate Court Judge Eric Brown, a Democrat running for state supreme court, has 3,289 Facebook friends at last count.
“It’s like having a Rolodex,” he said.
Brown said the courts need guidelines on how to handle new technologies inside the courthouse, but he noted that much of the behavior — jurors doing their own research, witnesses conveying testimony to one another, and photographing proceedings without the judge’s permission — is already banned.
“The technology might provide another way to do it but the conduct is prohibited,” he said.
Judges combat Twitter, Facebook use by jurors during trials
Laura A. Bischoff
Posted: 02/11/2010 11:21 PM
COLUMBUS — In Lucas County, cell phones are forbidden in the courthouse. In Cuyahoga County, a juror’s text message triggered a mistrial. And U.S. District Courts just came out with suggested instructions that tell jurors not to use smart phones, blogs, text messages or social media to communicate about the case.
At a conference at the Ohio Supreme Court on Thursday, Feb. 11, judges and journalists wrestled with the issues presented by social media in the courts.
“I tell them (jurors) they can’t use the Internet. I’ll probably go back and say you can’t use Twitter or any other social media,” said Hamilton County Common Pleas Court Judge Beth Myers.
Facebook boasts of 400 million users, Twitter has 23.4 million monthly users, and 75 percent of Americans use social media of some sort. Social media sites are the fourth most popular online activity, eclipsing pornography.
Social media are so popular and ubiquitous that Ohio Supreme Court Justice Judith Lanzinger worries that potential jurors won’t be willing to disconnect for two weeks during a trial.
“I think this is one of the biggest concerns that we have about fair trials in the future,” Lanzinger said.
Second District Court of Appeals Judge Jeff Froelich became a judge in 1978, back when YouTube, Twitter, Facebook and smart phone sounded like just silly words.
Froelich said judges have to try to balance new technology with due process. Froelich said he is concerned about small cameras being used by courtroom audience members to photograph witnesses or jurors.
In 1954 during the Sam Sheppard case in Cleveland, reporters and photographers furiously covered the sensational trial; these days it’s reporters, bloggers and everyday people telling the world what’s going on inside a courtroom, Froelich said.
“The concerns are the same but the technology has changed,” said Froelich.
Another judge said he recently was asked to issue search warrants for electronic devices such as Flip cameras, text messages and social media postings that may have been used to record a sex crime.
In another area of concern, the state supreme court in Florida issued an advisory opinion that judges shouldn’t “friend” on Facebook attorneys who are likely to appear before them in court.
Franklin County Probate Court Judge Eric Brown, a Democrat running for state supreme court, has 3,289 Facebook friends at last count.
“It’s like having a Rolodex,” he said.
Brown said the courts need guidelines on how to handle new technologies inside the courthouse, but he noted that much of the behavior — jurors doing their own research, witnesses conveying testimony to one another, and photographing proceedings without the judge’s permission — is already banned.
“The technology might provide another way to do it but the conduct is prohibited,” he said.
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
A Cup Of Coffe and Memories Of Friends
So here I am, sitting in my apartment with the curtains open wide and a cup of coffee infront of me as I sit at the computer. The coffee is one of the things that I have picked up in the last couple of years. Drinking it at all is something that I never did or saw myself thinking of doing and yet...with the first cup of coffee that I shared with one of my best friends, I knew that life wouldn't be the same without it. Lol. So here I sit with the half drank cup in front of me with the spoon still in the mug bumping my cheek as I take a drink just as my friend used to do.
Looking outside I see several of inches of snow covering the ground, decorating the trees. Everything is outlined in white and I must admit that it's a beautiful sight. One can't help but admire it. It is truly beautiful, yet one step outside the door and I would feel the blast of cold with the wind and wish for the warmth within. Living in Ohio has it's good and bad, but here I am for the duration. Lol
At my feet, content on the large pillow, under the desk is my faithful companion, my little Mary. Hard to believe that she is 7 years old now. Where does the time go? I can remember her as a puppy, when she was first born and all the time since.
Looking back the last few years it's been interesting. This huge apartment building has changed with each person moving in and moving out. It was back in 2005 when I moved up here, towards the end of summer, the beginning of august...life was different. Hard to believe that after a few months it would be like living in the tv series of Friends. Lol. We all had our own lives and yet we would always end up in one apartment together, usually mine or one other one and we would chat for hours just hanging out. Fun times. It was never boring or quiet. All of us were/are different ages and yet we all had something in common with each other. It was certainly a fun time and one that I will certainly never forget. Girl's nights, couples nights and nights of just whoever showed up first.
And then we all started moving away. It didn't take long after the first one and now...now I am the only one left out of the old crowd. It's a part of life to grow and change...to move on with what life gives us and what we make for ourselves. Life is always changing and moving forward. Most of us though are still close and chat, no matter whether it's via text, phone call, email or letters.The building is different, has a different feel. How could it not? Making room to make more friends and share more memories with others...A cup of coffee and memories of old friends.
Looking outside I see several of inches of snow covering the ground, decorating the trees. Everything is outlined in white and I must admit that it's a beautiful sight. One can't help but admire it. It is truly beautiful, yet one step outside the door and I would feel the blast of cold with the wind and wish for the warmth within. Living in Ohio has it's good and bad, but here I am for the duration. Lol
At my feet, content on the large pillow, under the desk is my faithful companion, my little Mary. Hard to believe that she is 7 years old now. Where does the time go? I can remember her as a puppy, when she was first born and all the time since.
Looking back the last few years it's been interesting. This huge apartment building has changed with each person moving in and moving out. It was back in 2005 when I moved up here, towards the end of summer, the beginning of august...life was different. Hard to believe that after a few months it would be like living in the tv series of Friends. Lol. We all had our own lives and yet we would always end up in one apartment together, usually mine or one other one and we would chat for hours just hanging out. Fun times. It was never boring or quiet. All of us were/are different ages and yet we all had something in common with each other. It was certainly a fun time and one that I will certainly never forget. Girl's nights, couples nights and nights of just whoever showed up first.
And then we all started moving away. It didn't take long after the first one and now...now I am the only one left out of the old crowd. It's a part of life to grow and change...to move on with what life gives us and what we make for ourselves. Life is always changing and moving forward. Most of us though are still close and chat, no matter whether it's via text, phone call, email or letters.The building is different, has a different feel. How could it not? Making room to make more friends and share more memories with others...A cup of coffee and memories of old friends.
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